


New Dawn, A

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-18
Updated: 2005-03-18
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh invites Donna on a weekend ski trip, during which they must deal with new feelings and haunting memories of the past.





	New Dawn, A

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**A New Dawn**

**by: Steph**

**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** "The West Wing" and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, et al. This is just for fun out of a love for the show. No profit is made and no infringement is intended.  
**Summary:** Josh invites Donna on a weekend ski trip, during which they must deal with new feelings and haunting memories of the past.  


"And did you know, Josh, that there are 60 species and over 8,000 varieties of grapes? It's true. Grape growing or viticulture, as it's known, extends back to Egyptian times that date from 2400 BC. Grape seeds have even been discovered in Egyptian tombs with mummies. But what I find to be most interesting is-..." 

President Josiah Bartlet's sentence was interrupted by a nearly stifled groan from his Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman. Josh was slumped down in a chair, with his eyes squeezed shut and his fingertips methodically rubbing his temples. 

"Am I boring you, Josh?", the President questioned. 

Josh's eyes slowly opened and he managed some tired, insincere words. "Of course not, sir. You know of my fondness for grapes. Who knew they had such a history?" 

Jed Bartlet grinned and shook his head. "Well, if you are that interested then I think it only right of me to continue. Now where was I? Ah, yes. What I find to be most interesting is-..." 

The President was once again cut off in the same spot, as Josh suddenly leapt to his feet. He rubbed at his face, while pointing to the door. "Although I have found this discussion to be completely engrossing, sir, I must be going. I have a meeting that I just remembered." 

The President hid his smile and raised one eyebrow. "A meeting? With whom?" 

Josh's brow furrowed, as his overworked mind searched for an answer. "With Senator...Senator...You know...The one...The one with the lopsided ears." 

Bartlet laughed and waved a hand. "Go ahead, get out of here." 

Josh breathed a sigh of relief and practically ran out of the room, while muttering a quick, "Thank you, sir." 

Josh closed the door behind him and held up a halting hand to Sam Seaborn who stood in his path, on his way to see the President. "Fair warning, you are about to learn more about grapes than you could ever, ever want to know in your entire time on this earth. If you value your sanity, you'll turn back around and run for your life." 

Sam laughed and patted Josh on the shoulder. "Thanks for the warning, but just yesterday I survived a talk on the history of the walnut. I think I can withstand just about anything after that." 

Josh shrugged and watched as Sam disappeared behind the door. He had not walked two feet from the door when he heard his assistant, Donna Moss', insistent voice coming towards him. He placed a hand to his face and let it slowly drag down. 

"Josh! What has kept you so long? It's already 8:00 pm and you still have a stack of papers a mile high on your desk that need to be read through before tomorrow morning's staff meeting." 

Josh sighed. "You know what, Donna? I no longer care about those papers. I have just spent an excruciating, coma-inducing hour with the President learning about grapes, during which I spent most of my time surveying his office for any sharp object that would adequately serve the purpose of jabbing my eyes out and putting me out of my misery. So, would you please just leave me alone!" 

Donna's eyes narrowed at him. "Oh, I see. The President has tortured you for the last hour, so now you've decided that I should be as miserable as you. Is that about right?" 

Josh nodded. "Pretty much." 

Donna shook her head at him, her eyes flaring a bit. "Well excuse me for trying to be a good assistant and making sure that her boss is prepared for the next day. It wouldn't kill you to act like you appreciate me every once in a while, you know." 

Josh jammed his hands into his pockets with a roll of his eyes. He was in no mood for this. "I appreciate you, Donna. I appreciate that you nag me more than my mother ever did." 

Donna shook her head at him. "I should have known better than to even try." With that, she turned on her heel and headed back to her desk. 

Josh closed his eyes and sighed. He instantly felt bad for the way he had treated Donna. Usually, she had the ability to deal with his mood swings like no one else, but he thought that maybe he'd been a little too harsh with her this time. She was invaluable to him and he realized that maybe he didn't always make her feel that way. He decided to apologize to her. Josh walked over to her desk and sat down on its corner. 

"Donna," Josh stated. 

Donna responded without looking up from her paperwork. "Yes, Joshua." 

"I just wanted to say that I may have possibly acted like a jerk before." 

Donna shook her head and looked up at him. "Was that supposed to be an apology?" 

Josh forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, it was the best I could do. I'm not really good at the 's' word." 

Donna spoke as she shuffled a pile of papers in front of her. "Hm, considering what a jerk you can be, I would have thought you'd be an old pro at saying the 's' word by now." 

Josh was taken aback by the harshness with which she said her words. Her criticisms of him were usually done in jest, but this one was clearly not. He spoke softly to her, as she lifted her eyes to him. "Is that really how you see me?" 

Donna removed her eyes from his. "Let's just forget it, okay? We've both had a long day and it's probably just our fatigue talking." 

Josh slowly lifted himself off of her desk and nodded. "Yeah, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." 

Donna nodded without a word. Josh was about to walk away, but then stopped himself. He spoke softly to her, his head down. "I do appreciate you, Donna. I hope you know that." 

Josh then turned around and walked to his office. Donna's head lifted and her eyes followed his figure until his door had shut behind him. Then she slowly began to shuffle the pile of papers she'd already shuffled numerous times. 

*-*-*-*-* 

Josh strolled into work the next morning hoping that everything between him and Donna was back to normal. He always had enjoyed their playful banter and he didn't want things to change between them because of how inconsiderate he could be. 

Josh had just passed Sam's office, when Donna approached him and began to walk beside him, with pad in hand. 

"Good morning, Josh. You have a 9:30 meeting with Senator Mitchum to discuss his thoughts on the Health Care proposal." 

Josh nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Mitchum...Is that the one with the lopsided ears?" 

Donna shook her head, as she made notes on her pad. "No. You have a 1:00 lunch with Senator Collins to discuss the Education budget proposal for the new year." 

"Collins? Is he the one with the lopsided ears or the crooked nose?" 

"Crooked nose," Donna answered, while making a check mark on her notepad. 

Josh nodded at her, as she finally looked up at him. "Okay, thanks." 

Donna wrinkled her nose at him and waved her hand in front of her face. "Oh Josh, your breath." 

Josh's eyebrows raised in confusion, as he brought his palm up to his mouth and huffed into it. He shrugged at her. "What?" 

"Did you have garlic for breakfast or something?" Donna asked, while taking a step back from him. 

"No." 

"Well, your breath smells like you could ward off about a thousand vampires." 

Josh smiled. "Good, I know quite a few in Congress who'd love to sink their teeth into me." 

Donna laughed, her eyes brightening. Josh happily nodded, as he began to see that things were back to normal between them. He snapped his fingers as he remembered where he'd had the garlic. "Oh, that's right. Last night for dinner I had garlic bread. But I've brushed, flossed and gargled twice since then." 

Donna shook her head at him. "Garlic stays in your intestinal tract, Josh. All of that doesn't help too much." 

Josh shrugged. "Well, give me one of those mints in that tin I sent you for Assistants' Day, it's better than nothing. I wouldn't want to offend people with my breath when I could do a much better job with insults." 

Donna shook her head at him. "You didn't send me a tin of mints for Assistants' Day, Josh. You told me to send myself a tin of mints from you for Assistants' Day." 

"And what? You never received it?" 

Donna let a small smile escape. "Actually, *you* decided that you were being much too cheap and *you* instead gave me this beautiful bracelet." Donna held up her wrist, showing him the bracelet. 

Josh shook his head at her. "I did, huh? Looks like I am one generous guy." 

Donna nodded with a grin. "You can be." 

"Correct me if I am wrong though. Didn't that lovely bracelet cost a significant amount more than that tin of mints would have." 

"Yes, but you realized that I am worth every penny." Donna smiled widely at him, as their eyes met. 

Josh nodded and spoke softly. "You're worth a whole lot more than that." 

Donna's eyes raised in surprise at his comment, while Josh quickly shut his mouth. He hadn't meant that to sound the way it probably had. 

He rubbed at the back of his neck and began to backpedal into his office. "Okay, well, I have to be getting to work. I guess I'll just have to live with my breath for now, unless that bracelet has the power to eliminate bad mouth odors." Josh spoke nervously, as a little chuckle escaped at the end of his sentence. Donna only laughed and shook her head. 

Once inside his office, Josh closed the door and ran a hand through his hair. "What was that?" 

*-*-*-*-*-* 

Josh opened the door to Sam's office, walked in and plopped down in the chair across from him. Sam was busily typing on his laptop and had not yet acknowledged him. Josh decided to speak first. "Hypothetically, if one was to invite a female friend slash coworker with one on a weekend trip, might that female friend take it as some sort of come on or just a friendly trip between friends, as it is intended?" 

Sam looked at his friend over his laptop. "It's been my experience in working with hypotheticals that they are almost never hypothetical. So, who are you going to ask?" 

Josh looked down at his hands. "I didn't say I was going to ask anyone. I was speaking hypothetically." 

Sam nodded. "Okay...Hypothetically, who are you going to ask?" 

Josh shook his head and lifted himself out of the chair. "You know what, just forget it. This was a bad idea. It would be a very bad idea to do this." 

Sam sighed. "Josh, just sit down and tell me what's going on." 

Josh did as he was told and proceeded to talk. "Well, there's this thing this weekend. Every year, my college buddies and I go up to a ski cabin that my friend, Mike, owns. The three of them all have wives, so I usually just end up bringing whatever girl I am seeing. So, I invited Cynthia-..." 

Sam interrupted Josh's sentence. "Cynthia...That's the one with the big hair, right?" 

Josh shook his head. "She doesn't have big hair." 

Sam nodded. "Well, she doesn't have average size hair." 

Josh shrugged and rolled his eyes at Sam. "Do you want to hear what I have to say or would you rather compare the hairstyles of all the woman in Washington, D.C.?" 

Sam smirked at Josh. "Continue." 

Josh nodded and began again. "I invited Cynthia, but she had to cancel on me. So I was thinking about inviting Donna instead." 

Sam's eyebrows raised. "Donna, your assistant Donna?' 

Josh sighed loudly. "Yes, that Donna." 

Sam smiled and jumped up from his seat. He raised his arm and put his palm up to do a high-five. 

Josh looked at him in confusion. "What are you doing?" 

Sam spoke slowly, suddenly feeling a bit ridiculous. "I was going to high-five you. Isn't that what guys usually do when one of them finally goes for it with a girl?" 

Josh's eyes widened in surprise. "What? I am not 'going for it' with Donna. What gave you that idea?" 

Sam lowered his hand and sat back down at his desk. A slow smile spread across his face. "Ah, so this is what denial looks like. I've always wondered." 

"What are you talking about, Sam?" Josh asked him. 

Sam grinned, leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on his desk. "I am talking about you and your obvious feelings for Donna. You've got it bad, buddy." 

Josh shook his head in amazement. "You are insane. Donna and I are just friends. I only wanted to invite her because I thought it would be fun and to make up for the jerk I've been lately. There are no 'feelings'." 

Sam smiled at Josh. "You really don't see it, do you? You fell for that girl the minute you met her. Everyone here knows that but you two." 

Josh covered his face with his hands. "Everyone knows that? How is it possible that everyone knows something about me that I don't even know?" 

"Because we can see what you refuse to." Sam stated matter-of-factly. 

Josh stood up and began pacing. "No, no way. We are just friends...I am her boss, she is my assistant. We can't stand each other half the time. I don't feel that way about her and I know she doesn't feel that way about me...And even if I...I did, I would never risk losing our friendship over something that would never work. You know what? I am going to prove it to you. I am going to prove that we are nothing more than friends by asking her on that trip. We will have a fun, purely platonic time and you'll see just how wrong you are." 

Sam slowly shook his head at his friend and asked seriously, "When are you going to stop running, Josh? You've run away from every serious relationship you've ever had and I don't even know why. Sooner or later you're going to have to stop and face whatever's chasing you." 

Josh looked at Sam a little perplexed and began to open his mouth to say something. He then thought better of it, closed his mouth and left Sam's office without another word. 

*-*-*-*-*-* 

Sam's words kept rolling around Josh's head, but he decided to ignore them. What did Sam know anyway, he thought. Sam thinks everybody is in love with everybody, he reasoned. He remembered the time Sam thought the girl at Starbucks liked him because she gave him more change than he was owed. There was no way Sam was right about him and Donna. Josh was determined to prove him wrong. 

He walked to his door, opened it up and stuck his head out. "Donna, could I see you in here for a minute, please?" 

Donna nodded and walked into the office. Josh closed the door behind her and gestured at the seat in front of him. 

Donna stood her ground. "Josh, I have a million things to do. If this is about the bracelet-..." 

Josh shook his head. "It's not about that. Just sit down, please." 

Donna reluctantly sat down, a little concerned and confused. Josh never told her to sit down unless it was bad news. She stared at him, waiting for him to start. 

Josh nervously wrung his hands, as he tried to force himself to begin. He didn't want her to take this the wrong way. "Donna...I just wanted to know...I was wondering...Would you like...Uh-..." 

Donna was beginning to become impatient. "Josh, will you just spit it out already? Countries have made peace pacts faster than you can utter one sentence." 

Josh swallowed hard, calming himself a bit. "Okay...Donna, would you like to go to a ski cabin with me for the weekend? Just-..." 

Before Josh could continue, a surprised Donna interjected. "You mean as your date?" 

Josh sighed. He knew she'd take it the wrong way. "No, not as my date. Just as my friend. I know you learned to ski last winter, so I thought you might like to go. It's just two friends going to a cabin to have some fun with my college buddies and their wives." Josh finished his sentence with a halfhearted joke. "I'd ask Sam, but he can't ski." 

Donna hid her disappointment well. Josh only wanted her as a companion on the trip. Most likely, she was just the consolation prize because one of the girls he was dating couldn't go. Donna had come to expect this of Josh and had even begun to accept it. They would never be more than friends and coworkers. Josh didn't see her in that way. He was completely oblivious to any feelings she had for him. He never noticed that she hung on his every word, that she regarded him as the most intelligent and wittiest man she had ever met...He never noticed and he never would. 

Donna smiled weakly at Josh and nodded. At least she would get to spend time with him outside of work, she reasoned. "I'd love to go with you, Josh. Thank you for asking. When will we be leaving?" 

Josh tried to contain his smile. An incredible happiness overcame him when she accepted his invitation. He was suddenly very eager to spend some time alone with her. 

Josh quickly pushed aside the new feelings, not knowing what else to do with them. "Great, that's great. Okay, well we'll leave tomorrow night after work. I'll pick you up around 9 pm. I know that's kind of late to be leaving, but all of my friends are heading up there right after work and they hold normal work hours." Josh finished with a smile that Donna returned. 

Donna stood up and said, "I'll be looking forward to it." Then she exited the room. 

Josh closed the door behind her and leaned his forehead against it. "What is going on with me? Oh good, now I'm talking to myself...I must be going crazy." 

*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

9 pm the next day arrived quickly and soon Josh was pulling up in front of Donna's apartment building. The short trip from his house had been quite an adventure. The snow that had begun to fall lightly around 4 pm, was now falling hard and in a steady stream. Josh saw Donna coming out of the building carrying a large suitcase. He ran over towards her and quickly took the suitcase from her hand. The heavy suitcase hit the ground with a thud, almost taking Josh's arm with it. 

He winced in pain, as he looked up at her. "What do you have in here? Half of the nation's defensive arms?" 

Donna smiled at him. "No, just the bare essentials. If it's too heavy for you, Josh, I can carry it." 

Josh smirked, as his wounded male ego emerged. He slowly straightened. "I can carry it. It's just a suitcase. You carried it, I am quite sure that I can carry it." 

Josh tried again to pick up the suitcase, as his face reddened and his cheeks filled with air. He exhaled loudly and then tried again. Donna tried her best not to laugh at him. "Do I have to remind you of the fact that you ask me to open up your macadamia nut jars. I am stronger than you, Josh." 

Josh looked up at her with an absurd expression. "You are not stronger than me, Donna. I just ask you to open up the jars because you are my assistant....That's what assistants do, they assist." 

Donna rolled her eyes and rather easily picked up the suitcase that he'd been struggling with. "Well, then let me assist you. Will your overgrown ego be sitting in the back, because I don't think there's enough room for the three of us up front." Donna gave him a quick smile before walking ahead of him. 

Josh called out to her. "You'll be riding in the back if you keep it up." 

Donna laughed and continued to walk. Josh caught up to her side. He positioned his hands at her elbow. "Be careful as you walk. It's getting pretty slippery out here." Donna looked over at him and their eyes met for a split second. She was the first to look away and then Josh turned his eyes to the ground. 

They reached the car and, with Donna's help, Josh placed the suitcase in the trunk. He quickly ran over to the passenger side door, almost slipping as he did so. He opened the door and gestured for her to enter. She smiled at him and uttered a soft, thank you." 

Josh closed the door, took a deep breath and went to get into the driver's seat. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

Josh and Donna had been driving for a bit when she turned to him. "So where is this cabin?" 

Josh kept his eyes on the road, as he struggled to drive in the falling snow. "Up on Big Bear." 

Donna's eyes lit up suddenly. "Big Bear? Really? My family used to go up there all of the time when I was a little girl." 

Josh smiled at the excitement in her voice. He glanced at her momentarily. "You would vacation up there?" 

Donna nodded. "Kind of. Every December, my whole family would rent a cabin up there and celebrate Christmas together. And I do mean my whole family. It was me, my brother, my sister, my parents, my grandparents, and all of my aunts, uncles and cousins. It was very crowded, but I've never had so much fun in my life." 

Josh grinned at her. "That does sound like a lot of fun." 

Donna nodded, her eyes still bright. "Oh, it was. We would stay up late and tell ghost stories or play games. We always played Monopoly. We had to team up because there were so many of us, but I always insisted that we be the thimble. I don't know why, I just liked it. My team never won though. I never wanted to put hotels on our properties. I always felt like the people who lived in the houses would be sad because we'd be forcing them to move." 

Donna blushed a little as she realized how ridiculous that sounded. Josh looked thoughtfully at her. He always knew she had the biggest heart of anyone he'd ever met. She was even concerned for nonexistent people, who lived in fake houses. 

Donna spoke softly. "I know how stupid that must sound-..." 

Josh shook his head, stopping her mid-sentence. "No, it doesn't. It sounds like you, Donna...It's sounds sweet." 

Donna looked away from him, fully aware that her face was now bright red. She decided to change the subject. "My cousins, siblings and I would also play outside in the snow, build snowmen, have snowball fights. Then we'd come inside and my grandmother would have hot chocolate and Kit Kat bars, my favorite, all ready and waiting for us. We used to make sure that all of us had the same number of marshmallows in our hot chocolate. If we didn't, then my grandmother had to add more until we were all equal. The best part of all, though, was the fire we used to build. We'd all snuggle up in front of the fire and roast marshmallows until we went to bed...It was so wonderful." 

Josh's mind had stopped on the word fire when she had said it. He never could hear that word without thinking of the tragedy that had taken his sister all of those years ago. He shook his head to clear his mind and spoke softly. "It sounds like you have a great family, Donna. You're very lucky." 

Donna nodded and turned to him. "What about you, Josh? Did you ever go anywhere special on vacation as a kid?" 

Josh slowly nodded. "Every summer, we'd go up to our house in Rhode Island. We'd fish, sail, and swim. We always had a great time...But we stopped going there after-..." 

Josh stopped abruptly, the memories suddenly flooding his thoughts. Donna knew nothing about his sister's death or that he even had a sister. She looked at him with concern. "Josh, what's the matter? Why did you stop? You stopped going there after what?" 

Josh snapped free of the memories and looked out at the road, as his grip tightened on the wheel. "Sorry, I just lost my train of thought there for a second. We stopped going there after...after my family sold the house." 

Donna looked unconvinced by what he'd said, but decided to let it go. "Well, that's too bad, Josh, but at least you have your memories from that time." 

Josh nodded and smiled slightly. "Yeah, I do." 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

The time passed quickly as Donna and Josh talked animatedly. The topics of discussion were mostly about their coworkers. They spoke of how they knew that CJ talked to the fish that Danny had given her, even though she insisted that she did no such thing; they discussed the time Leo fell asleep in a chair and then slipped off of it during the President's lecture on Koala Bears; they talked of when Sam wore two different color socks to work and then insisted that he'd gotten a memo saying that day had been deemed "Unmatched Socks Day" by the President; they reminisced of the time the President beat Toby in foosball and how Toby argued for an hour over his belief that he'd lost because his soccer men's legs were shorter than those of the President; and, of course, they talked of the President running his bike into a tree. 

Donna and Josh laughed almost nonstop, thoroughly enjoying each others company. Donna turned to Josh with a mischievous smile. "I remember very well something that you did that was extremely funny." 

Josh smiled. "You have a wide variety at your disposal. I've become quite good at embarrassing myself." 

Donna grinned. "Oh, I have one in particular in mind. I am sure you remember the time that you got drunk, slept in your clothes and were then forced to wear Sam’s yellow fisherman hip-waders, while you waited for your clothes to come back from the cleaners. You made a wonderful first impression on Joey Lucas." 

Josh laughed at the memory. "I sure do remember that. I also seem to remember a certain female member of the staff stalking David Hasselhoff during our trip to LA." 

Donna blushed and raised a hand in her defense. "I was not stalking him, Joshua. I was merely playing the role of an interested fan." 

Josh grinned at her. "He was about two seconds and a creepy phone call away from taking a restraining order out on you." 

Donna laughed out loud at that, while she swatted his arm. "He was not!" 

Donna's laughter subsided long enough for her to ask with a twinkle in her eye, "By the way, Josh, how's that secret plan to fight inflation coming along?" 

Josh grinned, while shaking his head. "I'm never going to live that one down, am I?" 

Donna shook her head at him, her smile wide. "Not in this lifetime." 

A comfortable silence had fallen between them when they suddenly heard a pop that seemed to come from the car's rear left wheel. The car began to slow and Josh carefully moved it onto the shoulder of the road. Donna bit her lip, as she looked at him. "I think we have a flat." 

Josh nodded and exited the car. He went to the rear and confirmed the fact that they did have a flat. "Yup, it's flat." He announced as he got back into the car. 

Donna threw him a questioning look. "Well, what are you waiting for? Aren't you going to change it?" 

Josh shook his head. "I would...If I had a spare." 

Donna looked at him disbelief. "I cannot believe you, Josh! After your tire blew three months ago on our way to Kathy's birthday party, I repeatedly reminded you for over a month to get a new spare." 

Josh winced at the hard look on her face and shrugged. "I guess it slipped my mind." 

Donna shook her head. "It constantly amazes me how you help run this country when you can't even run your own life." 

Josh nodded. "Yes, that never ceases to amaze me either." Donna rolled her eyes and sighed. Josh continued, as his eyes roamed the desolate stretch of road they were on and the snow that was ravaging it. "Well, I guess we have no choice but to walk until we see the first signs of humanity." 

Donna's eyes widened at him. "Walk? You want us to walk on a road in the middle of nowhere through the cold and snow?" 

Josh nodded. "Well, I was thinking that would be a better idea than waiting here until one of us freezes to death and the other is forced to eat him or her to survive." 

Donna clenched her teeth, as she opened her door. "I cannot believe this." 

Josh smiled, noticing how pretty she was even when angry. 

He exited the car and joined her on the side of the road. They began their long, cold walk. They had walked for what seemed like an eternity, when they finally spotted a convenience store off in the distance. They picked up their pace and were soon approaching it. Donna sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God. One more minute and I definitely would have lost something to frostbite." Josh nodded in agreement, as he held the door open for her and they entered the warmth of the store. 

They both walked over to the store clerk, an old man about sixty, and stopped in front of him. Josh spoke. "You wouldn't happen to know if we'd be able to get a tow truck out here, would you?" 

The elderly man chuckled and shook his head. "Nope, no way...Not on this road, in this weather." 

Donna sighed and turned to Josh. "How far do you think we are from the cabin?" 

"Not that far at all, actually. But too far to walk in this cold and snow." Josh replied. "I guess we're stuck here until the snow subsides a little. Once it does that, then we can walk the rest of the way to the cabin, get one of my friend's cars that has a spare, then drive back to mine and change the flat." 

"Josh, do you have any idea how long we could be here? We could be here the whole weekend. I knew I should have said no. I could be at home watching a Lifetime movie right now, but instead I am trapped in a convenience store with you." 

Josh chuckled. "You watch Lifetime movies on Friday nights?" 

Donna looked down. "If it's been slow on the social front I do." Then she snickered. "Like you're any better? I am sure you just watch some game on ESPN." 

Josh smiled and nodded. "Nah, I'm more of a Nickelodeon kind of guy." 

Donna laughed at him, as they both sat down on the floor next to each other. "I am starving." 

Josh gestured with his arm around the room. "Well, you've come to the right place. It's no White House banquet, but they've got the best beef jerky around." 

Donna smiled at him, as she watched him get to his feet. He began to roam the store for several minutes, she even lost sight of him for a few of those minutes. As he approached her, he placed a ten dollar bill on the counter and continued on his way. He knelt down to her, his hands behind his back. He revealed his left hand first, which held a Kit Kat bar in it. 

She smiled at him, as she reached for the candy bar. "Thank you. I guess you were listening when I said it was my favorite." 

Josh nodded. "More often than not, I do listen to everything you say. You just say an awful lot." Donna laughed and rewarded Josh with a light punch in the arm. 

"Okay, so what's in the other hand?" Donna asked, her curiosity piqued. 

Josh revealed his other hand, which held a styrofoam container of hot chocolate and a small bag of marshmallows. Donna's smile widened at him. She was quite amazed at how considerate Josh was being. He handed her the hot chocolate. "That should thaw you out sufficiently." 

Donna took the lid off and Josh dropped some marshmallows into it. He smiled at her. "Just like Grandma Moss used to make." 

Donna took a long sip of the hot chocolate, allowing it to slowly trail down her throat and warm her up. She then tilted her head and smiled longingly at him. 

Josh felt uncomfortable under her gaze. "Why are you doing that, Donna? Why are you looking at me like that?" 

Donna spoke softly to him. "You can be incredibly sweet when you want to be, Josh." 

Josh blushed a little at her comment and then tried to make light of it, as a gentle smile pulled at his lips. "Let's just keep that between the two of us. I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation." 

Donna nodded at him. "Okay, it'll stay just between us...Thank you for all of this." 

Josh nodded and then found himself just watching her. He had never realized just how beautiful she was until that moment...Or maybe he just never let himself realize it before. Her blonde hair was wet from the snow and it was falling across her face in damp strands. Her fair skin seemed to be glowing and Josh knew that he'd never seen anyone so perfect before. There was an innocence about Donna that he'd never quite noticed... And she had the amazing ability to look as fragile as glass and as strong as steel all in the same moment. Josh marveled at her. 

Josh could not believe the thoughts that were running through his head about Donna. He'd never looked at her in this way before. But maybe Sam was right, maybe he had never allowed himself to see her in this light. Josh shook his head, as his mind became increasingly confused with these new feelings for Donna. 

"Josh?" Donna called. She gently touched his arm. "Josh, where were you just now?" 

Josh looked at her and blinked a few times. "Huh? Oh, I was just thinking that my friends might be worried when we don't show up." 

Donna looked questioningly at him, but didn't press. "Actually, I just thought of something very stupid of us." 

Josh smiled. "Oh, yeah, and what would that be?" 

"The phones. We didn't even think of calling your friends. They could have come and gotten us by now. This country sure is lucky to have sharp minds like us on its side." Donna finished with a grin that Josh returned. 

He too couldn't believe that they hadn't thought of this yet. Josh stood up, walked up to a pay phone and was about to insert some change when the store clerk stopped his motion. "No point in doing that. The phone lines are down because of the snow." 

Josh sighed heavily and took his place next to Donna. "Well, there goes that brilliant idea." Josh leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I can't believe that we are going to have to spend all night here. We should be curled up on couch in a warm cabin right now, not leaning out heads against a bag of Cheetos." 

Donna laughed at Josh, as she studied his face closely. His eyes were still closed so she could feel free to admire him as much as she pleased. Josh continued. "I'm really sorry that I got you into this, Donna. You're right, you should be home right now, watching a Lifetime movie about babies switched at birth. You shouldn't be here with me." 

Donna smiled at him. "Josh, don't be so hard on yourself. You couldn't have known it would turn out this way. True, you are the reason we had no spare, but I'm not one to place blame." 

Josh grinned, while opening one eye and turning his head towards her. "Gee, Donna, you really know how to reassure a guy. I hope you never work on a suicide hotline." 

Donna laughed and then spoke softly to him. "Truthfully, Josh, there isn't any other place I'd rather be right now than right here with you." 

Josh opened up both of his eyes and smiled at her. Then he whispered, "Oh, Donna, that's just too sad. You really have to get out more." 

Donna's mouth opened and she playfully shoved him. "Oh, you! Here I am being nice and you have to go and be Josh." 

Josh grinned at her. "But I thought I could be incredibly sweet." 

Donna turned away from him, raising her nose into the air and pretending to be upset with him. "I think the part of my brain that made me say that hadn't fully thawed yet." 

Josh laughed and leaned his head back against the snacks, once again shutting his eyes. "I am definitely taking Sam next year." 

Donna shook her head and grabbed a bag of Cheetos. She proceeded to hit him lightly over the head numerous times, while he tried to block her. They were both laughing, and Donna spoke through giggles. "You...are...just...impossible." 

The laughter was still in full force and Donna was still hitting Josh with the Cheetos, when they heard the store clerk’s voice. "You know you're going to have to pay for those there Cheetos, right?" 

Josh and Donna looked at each other for a split second, before erupting into a fit of laughter once again. 

*-*-*-*-*-* 

The time passed slowly and Josh and Donna were now going stir crazy. They were so used to their busy lifestyles that they knew very little of how to just relax and do absolutely nothing. Donna was pacing near the door. She stopped and pressed her face against the glass. "Josh, let's go outside." 

Josh looked up from his task of categorizing the shapes in the Lucky Charms cereal and spoke with surprise. "Are you crazy? It's freezing out there, Donna." 

Donna nodded. "I know, but it's driving me insane being cooped up in here with nothing to do." 

Josh shrugged and gestured to his neat piles of Lucky Charms. "Maybe that's because you haven't put your time to good use, such as I have." 

Donna rolled her eyes. "Oh right, the world is now a better place because Joshua Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States, organized the Lucky Charms!" 

Josh smiled. "Well, when you say it like that, it just sounds silly." 

Donna walked over to him and took his hand in hers. She began to tug on it. "Please, Josh, let's go outside for a little while. Come on, let's have a little fun." 

Josh shook his head and didn't budge. "Donna, my idea of fun does not involve losing any toes to frostbite. But if you want, I *am* willing to walk up and down the aisles, so that you can follow behind me in your usual annoying way." 

Donna sighed and dropped his hand. "Fine, then stay in here. I will be outside with Mother Nature." 

Josh nodded, not looking up from his task. "Good, while you're out there ask her when she plans on stopping this snow and releasing us from captivity." 

Donna rolled her eyes and stepped outside. Once out there, an idea hit her. She grabbed some snow and rolled it in her gloved hands until it was in the shape of a ball. She smiled as she opened the door and called out his name. "Oh Josh." 

Josh looked up just in time to see the snowball hit him in the face. He laughed as he wiped at his face. He scurried to his feet and looked at her with a grin. "You better watch out now, Miss Moss. I was the snowball champion of Hyland Elementary School, three years running." 

Donna laughed and then turned around to run. Josh quickly followed her outside and they both began to make snowballs. They hurled them at each other, as their laughs filled the cold night's air. Josh had just made a monster snowball and was coming at Donna with it, when she ducked. In his attempt to hit her, he instead slipped on the snow. As he fell, his hand instinctively reached out to Donna and she came tumbling down with him...Or, more appropriately, on top of him. They were both breathing hard as they found themselves staring into one another's eyes. Josh brushed back some of Donna's hair and was just about to give into his urge to kiss her when his mind was suddenly filled with his oath to prove to Sam that they were just friends. He couldn't understand it, but something inside of him just wouldn't let Donna get any closer than she already was. 

Josh shifted beneath her and Donna realized that he wanted her to get up. She hesitantly removed herself, saddened that she had just missed her one and only chance to kiss Josh. 

Josh sat up and whispered an embarrassed, "I'm sorry for making you fall," to Donna. She simply nodded in response. 

They both got to their feet, while brushing the snow from their clothes. Donna was searching for a way to return the level of comfort between them back to normal. She looked down at the snow. "Did you ever make snow angels when you were a kid?" 

Josh nodded, still slightly lost in the moment that had passed him by. "Yeah, my sister and I used to love to make them." 

Donna turned to him with a surprised look. "Your sister? Josh, I didn't know you have a sister." 

Josh slowly shook his head, his eyes focusing on the ground. "That's because I don't have one anymore. She died when we were children." 

Donna gasped softly and then came closer to him. She touched his cheek gently and he lifted his eyes to meet hers. She saw the tears glistening in his eyes. She spoke in a barely audible whisper, "I'm sorry." 

Then Donna slowly brought her arms around Josh's neck in a hug. He held her closely, leaning his chin on her shoulder and closing his eyes so tightly that a few tears escaped. 

When they finally separated, Josh wiped at his face. Donna looked at him worriedly. "Why didn't you ever tell me about her and what happened?" 

Josh ignored her eyes. "It happened a long time ago, Donna. There's nothing to tell." 

Donna shook her head. "I know that's not true, Josh. I can see in your eyes that this has been eating at you for years." 

She came closer to him and he spoke softly. "Don't, Donna, please. I don't want to talk about this." 

Donna was relentless. She knew that a piece of Josh had never been free because of this portion of his past. Donna had always known that there was a part of Josh that was closed off to the rest of the world and now she was beginning to find out why. She spoke softly to him. "Josh, I'm your friend, but sometimes it seems like I don't know you at all. There are times when you get this look in your eyes and you seem like you're in another place, another time. There are so many things that I don't know about you and there are so many things that I do know that don't make any sense. I want to know who you are, Josh. I want to know what made the man I see standing before me...A man I admire more than anyone else." 

Josh scoffed at that. He looked directly into her eyes. "I don't deserve your admiration, Donna." 

Donna forcefully shook her head. "Yes, you do. Look at what you've done, Josh, look at where you are. You fight for what you believe in, you fight for those who can't. I admire you for that...I admire you for your courage." 

Josh shook his head, a bitter laugh following out his mouth. "Courage?...I'm a coward, Donna!...I always have been!" 

Donna was startled by his outburst, but tried to remain calm. "Why do you say that?" 

Josh looked into her eyes and spoke in a husky whisper. "Because only a coward allows his sister to die in a fire, while he escapes unharmed." 

Donna's eyes filled with tears as she realized the burden Josh had been carrying all of this time. "You were a child, Josh. There's nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault." 

Josh shook his head and spoke, his voice cracking. "That's just it, Donna, it was my fault...The whole thing was...The fire was my fault." 

Donna eyes widened as she realized that his burden was even heavier than she could have imagined. She took his hand in hers and spoke softly. "Please, tell me what happened." 

Josh looked into the kind, concerned of eyes of Donna. For the first time since the fire, he could feel himself opening up. He had never told anyone close to him, besides his parents, about this and his feelings regarding it. He was too afraid of being judged, too afraid that behind their understanding words he'd see their true feelings, he'd see the pity, the disbelief, the blame. He was too afraid that they'd look into his eyes and see nothing but his cowardly act. But for the first time he was looking at a person that just wanted to understand him, that just wanted to help him. He trusted her with the truth. 

Josh swallowed hard, as he began in a soft voice. Donna's eyes never left his as she listened intently. "When I was six and my sister, Joanie, was twelve, my parents left her home to baby-sit me. She hated baby-sitting me because I never listened to her. I had repeatedly asked her for popcorn that night, but she refused to make me any. So I decided to make it for myself. I got out the popcorn popper, poured the popcorn in, plugged it into the outlet and turned it on. Then I went downstairs to play with my trucks. Soon, I...I had forgotten all about the popcorn. A little while later, I felt sleepy, so I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. My sister laid down on the other couch and also drifted off. The next time I opened my eyes, the house was filled with smoke. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I was so scared and I panicked. I ran outside through our screen door. I...I never thought to try and wake Joanie. I guess a part of me thought she was already waiting outside for me. That part of me soon vanished as I frantically searched the yard for her...But I couldn't find her and I knew she was still inside. It was at that moment that I froze in place and didn't move until the firemen arrived and forced me from my spot. I never tried to go back in and get her...I never even attempted it. By the time they got to her, it was too late." 

Josh paused, catching his breath and wiping at a tear. Donna was just staring at him in awe, as the tears rolled down her face. Josh began again. "After we buried my sister, my parents asked me if I knew what had happened. I told them everything, every last bit. And I've never again told another soul all of it until now. I couldn't bear to again. They said all of the right things, but I saw how the look in their eyes changed after I told them. They told me it wasn't my fault; they told me I couldn't have done anything to save her. But their eyes betrayed their words. I could see that they blamed me, I could see that they thought I was a coward. They never could have punished me as much as I punished myself, but their every look and their every word held a sadness that I knew I had put there, and that made me hurt more than anything else ever could. I realized that I had ruined my family, I had forever changed them. I had hurt the people I love the most because of one stupid, indulgent act and then another cowardly one. I guess that's when I knew I could never let anyone get close enough for me to hurt them like that again." 

As Josh said the last part, he realized he had never admitted that to himself before. This was the reason he ran away from every serious relationship. He was too scared to hurt someone that he loved again. So Josh had always kept his distance. He'd build friendships, but stop them before the point of no return. He'd have relationships with women, but would always find someway to end them before they got too close for him to handle. He hadn't realized it until that moment...The man he was had been shaped by a past that he couldn't seem to escape. 

Donna swallowed hard, searching for the words she needed to repair the broken man before her. This had explained a lot about Josh. It helped her understand him and the things he did so much better now. She began softly, as she forced Josh's eyes to look into hers. "Josh, you don't deserve the pain that you've given yourself, the guilt you've made yourself live with for all of these years. The fire was an accident. You did something wrong, you made a mistake. That's what kids do." 

Josh shook his head, as he stared at her blankly. "Most kids don't make mistakes that kill their sisters." 

Donna shook her head at him. "You couldn't have known that your mistake would lead to her death, Josh. Your sister wouldn't want you to blame yourself. You can't change what happened, but you can change how you deal with it from now on. You can honor your sister in that way." 

Josh looked down at his hands. "She's the reason I went into politics. I wanted to help others the way I didn't help her." 

Donna nodded, placing her hands over his. "And you have. You've helped so many people, Josh, so many children. That's the good that's come from this tragedy." 

Josh closed his eyes, shaking his head. "No good came from this, Donna. My sister died and I did nothing to stop it. My parents looked at me with pain in their eyes and hearts for the rest of their lives. I caused all of it and there wasn't even a scratch on me, not a scar to be found." 

Donna shook her head and spoke in a whisper. "Can't you see that's not true? You've lived with a pain that no one should have to carry around. You have scars that people can't see, Josh. You've punished yourself for all of these years. Don't you think it's time that you let yourself have some peace?" 

Josh ran a hand down his face. "My sister never got to live a life past the age of twelve because of me, the least I can do is carry around the guilt and pain I deserve for the rest of my life." 

Donna shook her head at him and spoke softly, but with determination. "No, no, Josh, it's not right. You are a good man. You deserve to live a life filled with happiness. You've paid for your sins of the past, now it's time to let them go." 

Josh looked at her, a sense of hope now present in his eyes that had disappeared after that fateful night. He spoke, his voice cracking and filled with the innocence of a child. "You think I can do that? You think it'd be okay?" 

Donna smiled comfortingly at him. "Yes, I do. I think your sister would have wanted you to live your life to the fullest in honor of her." 

Josh swallowed around a lump in his throat, as he felt the burden that had overtaken his heart and soul slowly lessen. He looked into Donna's eyes. "I never thought I could tell anyone all of this. I thought they'd look at me differently, I thought they'd see me as defined by those acts. But I don't see that in your eyes, Donna. You tried to understand." 

Donna smiled slightly at him. "I understand you a lot better now, Josh. You've never been free because of this, have you? You've never let anyone get that close again because of this." 

Josh looked away from her, surprised that she could see him so well. He spoke, his throat closing up again. "I couldn't risk hurting someone I love like that again. That I won't do, Donna...I can't." 

"But you have to, Josh. You'll never find the peace you need, the love and happiness you deserve unless you let yourself." Donna responded. 

Josh only shook his head and whispered, "I can't," while avoiding her eyes. Then he quickly walked past her and back into the convenience store." 

Donna stood rooted in her spot for a few moments. She knew Josh had made progress, but something was still stopping him from letting himself be happy. Donna swore to herself that she wouldn't give up until he had freed himself completely. 

She then walked back into the store and sat down next to Josh. Without a word, she gently brought his head to rest on her shoulder and then she leaned her head against his. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

A few hours later, the sun cut through the glass of the windows, illuminating the faces of Josh and Donna. They were still in the same positions. Donna slowly opened her eyes at the sun's insistence. Then she looked down at a sleeping Josh. She wondered if he even found peace in his dreams. Beneath her gaze, he began to stir. He slowly opened one eye and then the other. He smiled slightly, as he tilted his head upward to look at her. Then he slowly removed his head from her shoulder and sat up straight. 

Donna smiled at him. "Good morning." 

Josh returned the smile. "Mornin', Donna." 

She gestured to him to look outside. "It stopped snowing." 

Josh's eyes followed her gesture. "Yeah, it did. What do you say we get out of here?" 

Donna nodded with a grin. "I say let's go." 

Josh and Donna stood up and thanked the old man who still sat behind the counter. They stepped outside and were very happy that it was now considerably warmer. They began their walk to the cabin. The walk was a rather short one and they arrived quickly. Josh was surprised to see that there were no cars in the driveway. "Where is everyone?" He asked. 

Donna shrugged without a word and followed Josh up the stairs to the front door. He found the hidden spare key and let them inside. Donna's eyes widened at how nice the cabin was. "This place is beautiful, Josh." The cabin had a huge stone fireplace and the couches was made of rich leather. There was a full kitchen off to the side, another large room with a TV, and four bedrooms that were off of that room. 

Josh looked at Donna's eyes wide with amazement and smiled. "Yeah, my buddy Mike has good taste...And a doctor's paycheck." 

Donna smiled at him. "I think I like him already." 

Josh grinned. "Down girl, he's married." 

Donna grinned at him, glad that he hadn't lost his sense of humor because of the night's events. She playfully hit his arm. "Joshua! That is not what I meant...You don't have any unmarried doctor friends though, do you?" 

Josh shook his head with a laugh and then changed the subject. "So how does this place compare with the cabin you stayed in as a kid?" 

Donna chuckled. "It doesn't. The place we rented was about as big as this living room." 

Josh's eyebrows raised. "Wow, you must have always had someone's foot in your face while you slept." 

Donna laughed and nodded. "Pretty much." 

Silence fell between them, before Donna spoke again. "So where do you think your friends are?" 

Josh shrugged. "I don't know. My guess is that they decided not to come up this weekend because of the snow." 

Donna's eyes narrowed at him. "But wouldn't they have called to tell you that before you left?" 

Josh nodded and spoke hesitantly. "Yeah, they may have left me a message on my answering machine. I kind of forgot to check it before I left." 

Donna sighed at him in irritation. "Do you mean to tell me that we walked miles through the cold and snow and slept in a convenience store all night for nothing?!" 

Josh looked at her seriously and shook his head. "I wouldn't say that last night was all for nothing." 

Donna nodded with a soft smile, her anger now subsided. "You're right, it wasn't." 

Josh looked away from her and changed his tone. "Plus, now we have this whole cabin to ourselves. Let's try to have some fun. Do you want to go for a walk?" 

Donna smiled at him. "Not particularly, we just finished walking." 

Josh laughed. "True. So what do you want to do?" 

Donna thought for a moment. "Well, considering the fact that all I've had to eat in the last twelve hours is a Kit Kat bar and some crushed Cheetos, I'd like to have some food." 

Josh slapped his hands together. "Coming right up. I’ll prepare you breakfast to make up for everything I've put you through because of my absentmindedness." 

Donna looked at him warily. "You are going to cook?" 

Josh nodded. "Yeah, why not?" 

"Because cooking to you, Josh, has always meant throwing a TV dinner into the oven." 

Josh smiled at her. "True, but I also make a mean Pop Tart." 

Donna laughed. "Okay, go ahead." 

Josh walked over to the cabinets in the kitchen and opened them up. He perused the little food they held. "Looks like Mike doesn't like to keep much food up here." He reached into the cabinet and refrigerator, removing a few items. "Okay, we've got peanut butter, Fritos, a half-eaten box of raisins and three eggs that are one day away from expiring." 

Donna laughed at him. "And just what do you think you're going to make with those?" 

Josh grinned. "Why don't you go freshen up and I'll surprise you. Mike's probably got something you can wear in the bedroom all the way to the right." 

Donna nodded and walked out of the room. Josh rubbed his hands together and looked at the items at his disposal. "A Frito-peanut butter-raisin omelet, it is then." 

A half an hour later, Donna came into the kitchen. She was wearing an old pair of green sweats that swam on her slim figure and she was towel drying her blonde hair. Josh's eyes immediately fell upon her, as he marveled at her beauty even in such a simple outfit. Donna looked at him and stopped her motion, suddenly aware that Josh's eyes were on her. She smiled slightly. "I know, I look ridiculous. But it was either this or a ski suit, so I went with this." 

Josh smiled. "Good choice." 

Donna walked over to the table that he had set with two plates and silverware. "So what are we having for breakfast, Chef Josh?" 

Josh walked over to her with a frying pan in his hand and placed the food on her plate. She wrinkled her nose at the unappetizing mush in front of her. "Um, what is this?" 

Josh smiled, as he took his place next to her. "Well, I like to call it 'Josh's Fritonuttersin Omelet.' " 

Donna smiled slightly at him. "Interesting name. So this 'omelet' has Fritos, raisins and peanut butter in it?" 

Josh nodded. "Yup. I crushed the Fritos and then I mixed them, the raisins and the peanut butter in with the egg. Sounds good, doesn't it? Try some." 

Donna slowly cut the 'omelet' with her fork and hesitantly placed it into her mouth. She began to chew, fighting to keep it from sticking to the roof of her mouth. Her stomach churned as she swallowed a little of the awful tasting food. She spoke through her mouthful. "Yum...I love how it crunches and how it has a chewy consistency...Mmm mmm, good." 

Josh tried to contain his laughter. "Really? You like it that much? Here, have mine too then." 

Josh began to reach over to her side of the table, but she quickly held a hand up, halting his motion. She forced herself to swallow the rest of it and spoke, "No, no you eat it. I wouldn't want to deprive you of this delicious breakfast treat. Go ahead, try some." 

Josh smiled slightly and reluctantly took a bite. He chewed for what seemed like minutes, ignoring his urge to spit the food out. He looked at her with a grin. "Now that is good food." 

Donna shook her head and threw her napkin at him. "Liar! You looked like you were eating a dirty sock." 

Josh grinned. "Well, that is what it tasted like." 

Donna laughed. "That was the worst thing I've ever put into my mouth. What were you thinking?!" 

Josh shrugged, while grinning. "I was thinking that you'd hate it, but try to act like you liked it. I wanted to see the look on your face as you ate it." 

Donna shook her head at him while still laughing. "I can't believe you!" 

Donna finally stopped laughing enough to ask, "Well, I'm still starving. Do you think that you can make anything that doesn't taste worst than dirt?" 

Josh smiled, walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a small box. "Will my specialty, Pop Tarts, do?" 

Donna nodded with a thankful smile, as she got up and scraped her food into the sink. "Oh yes, that'll be much better...And after breakfast we can go skiing." 

-*-*-*-*-*-*- 

One hour later, Donna was helping Josh back into the cabin, as he leaned his weight against her. She helped him lie down on the couch. "I'll get an ice pack...Make that two ice packs." 

Josh groaned in pain, as his head fell back on a pillow. Donna returned, placing an ice pack on his right ankle and another on the top of his head. She curled up next to him, as she held the ice pack to his head. 

"Josh, I can't believe you did this." 

Josh shrugged halfheartedly, as Donna continued. "I thought you said were a good skier." 

Josh shook his head, as he turned his eyes to her. "No, no. I never said good. The words 'I', 'good' and 'skier' have never been linked together by me. I said I could ski, that's all." 

Donna shook her head at him. "If you can't ski well, then why do you come up here every year?" 

Josh smiled slightly. "To hang out with my friends." 

"Josh, you sound like a child." Donna smiled at him. 

Josh nodded, a moan following out of his mouth. Donna spoke again. "I don't understand how you hit that tree. I told you to watch out for the tree...It was even a very small tree...More like a branch sticking out of the ground." 

Josh closed his eyes and sighed. "It seems a lot bigger when it's hitting you in the face." 

Donna smiled, as she silently observed him. He looked very pathetic and very sweet all at the same time. She just wanted to take care of him. Donna moved some of his hair aside and ran a hand down his cheek. She whispered softly to him. "Pitiful is a very good look for you." 

Josh smiled, his eyes never opening. "I've had a lot of practice." 

Donna laughed, as she continued to watch him, making sure he was as comfortable as possible. 

*-*-*-*-*-*- 

The rest of the day passed quickly as Josh and Donna entertained themselves by talking and watching TV. Josh's injuries had been minor and he felt much better by evening. His head only slightly ached and his ankle throbbed occasionally. 

They had just finished a very filling dinner of Pop Tarts and Fritos and were now sitting by the fire Donna had built. Josh was doing the best he could not to think of the fire in relation to his sister's death. He just wanted to enjoy its warmth with Donna by his side. 

Josh smiled as he revealed two skewers and two marshmallows that he'd been hiding behind his back when he sat down. 

Donna's face lit up. "Oh, you remembered. Thank you." 

Josh smiled and handed her a skewer with a marshmallow on it. "It's actually entirely selfish. I love roasted marshmallows." 

Donna smiled sweetly at him. "Nice try, but I saw the sweet guy in you shining through on that one." 

Donna turned away from him and began to roast her marshmallow. Josh was simply watching her. The glow from the fire had bathed her fair skin and she looked more beautiful to him than ever before. He was filled with a sudden urge to know as much about her as he could. "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" 

Donna turned to him, surprised by the question. Josh could see her surprise, so he added with a grin, "It's just that I can't imagine a little girl dreaming about becoming the assistant for the Deputy Chief of Staff." 

Donna smiled at him. "No, I didn't. When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a dancer. I know most little girls dream about being a ballerina one day and a nurse the next, but it wasn't that way with me. It was something I always wanted." 

Josh noticed a hint of disappointment in her voice. "Then why didn't you become one?" 

Donna spoke sadly. "I hurt my knee in high school, during my 12th year of ballet. The doctors said I would never be able to dance professionally because of my injury." 

Josh looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, I can see that it meant a lot to you." 

Donna smiled at him and spoke softly. "It did, but working for you has meant a lot more. I wouldn't trade it for anything." 

Josh looked down from her eyes that seemed to be capturing his. He spoke softly, "I know that I'm not always an easy person to work for and I know that I have more moods than a mood ring. But I don't know what I'd do without you, Donna...I hope you know that." 

Josh lifted his eyes up and found himself staring straight into Donna's bright, blue ones. Something came over him in that moment that he was powerless to fight. He had to kiss her. Josh slowly moved his face closer to hers and brushed some of her hair back with his hand. His right hand cupped her cheek, as he moved his lips closer to hers. Donna couldn't have fought the urge to kiss him if she had wanted to. She eagerly came closer to him, until their lips met in a soft kiss that was laced with passion. For those moments, they both surrendered themselves to each other. 

They slowly parted and Donna smiled at Josh. She was about to kiss him again, when he turned his face away from her. He spoke, his voice breaking. "I can't...I can't do this." 

Donna looked at him in confusion. "What? Why?" 

Josh ignored her questions and quickly got to his feet. He left the room without another word, as she called after him. "Josh! Tell me what's wrong!" 

Donna lay her head against the couch, as she heard his bedroom door slam. She could still feel his lips on hers. It was better than she could have ever imagined...But now he was shutting her out. Donna didn't know what to think. Was he shutting her out because he had no romantic feelings towards her and had just gotten caught up in the moment? Or was he afraid to ruin their friendship by pursuing a romantic relationship?...Or did it run deeper than that? Did he feel like he could love her, but was too scared that he would hurt her?...Was his past keeping him from a future with her? Donna didn't know. She couldn't be sure of anything. Josh had never shown a romantic interest in her before and she couldn't hope to guess the true reason he had shut her out. 

But Donna hoped against hope that when he had looked into her eyes, he saw a woman he could love for a lifetime. If he did, then she would do anything to make that happen...She'd fight the demons of his past for the chance to be with him if she had to. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

Josh lay on his bed, his fingers linked behind his head. He was staring straight up at the ceiling, his mind racing with a million thoughts. 

As soon as his lips had touched hers, he had realized something he had been denying for far too long. He was in love with Donna, he had been since the first time he had laid eyes upon her. He had just been too scared to let himself realize it until now. 

However, his fear had only worsened with this realization. If he loved Donna, then he had to do everything in his power to stay away from her. He knew what his kind of love could do. It put pain in people's hearts, an emptiness in their souls. He had never loved anyone as much as he loved his family, yet he had somehow managed to shatter them into shadows of themselves. He hadn't loved like that ever again, he couldn't take that chance. The feelings that he had for Donna were the strongest he'd ever felt and that's why he knew that he couldn't risk loving her. He wouldn't hurt her the way he'd hurt the rest. It didn't even matter if she returned his feelings for her or not...This wasn't her choice, it was his. 

Josh closed his eyes, as he realized that he may have just denied himself his only chance at happiness. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

Josh avoided Donna until the next morning. When he finally came out of his bedroom, he passed her without a word. Josh walked to the telephone, picked up the receiver and asked the operator for the number of a tow truck company. He proceeded to dial the phone number, told them the approximate whereabouts of his car and made arrangements for it to be towed to the cabin with a new tire. When he had finished, he spoke to Donna without looking at her. "We'll be leaving as soon as the car arrives." 

Donna looked at him with surprise. She hadn't expected him to end the weekend so soon. They still had all of Sunday to spend together. She just wished that he would talk to her. Donna wanted to understand why he was shutting her out. If she knew his reasons then she'd be able to deal with her feelings for him better. As things were now, she was left feeling only rejected and confused. 

Josh was about to walk back into his bedroom, when Donna's voice stopped him. "Josh, please tell me what's going on. I promise I'll try to understand. Just please stop shutting me out, I can't stand it." 

Josh spoke in a flat voice, while purposely avoiding her eyes. "Be ready to go as soon as the car gets here." 

Donna's eyes flared at him. Josh walked to his room and shut the door, but Donna yelled at him anyway. "Don't do that, Josh! Don't treat me like I am just some employee that you can tell what to do whenever you please!...I am more than that to you!" 

Josh leaned his head against the door, as he slammed his eyes shut and fought to ignore her pleading voice. 

The car arrived a few hours later and they left without another word passing between them. Silence filled the car ride home and only a simple, "I'll see you tomorrow at work," was uttered by Josh as Donna entered her apartment. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

Josh had spent the rest of the day trying to rid himself of any thoughts of Donna. He knew that he was hurting her right now and he hated that. But he also knew that this pain was better than the pain he could cause by loving her. He just hoped that there was someway they could maintain their friendship and playful work relationship. 

Josh walked over to her desk and stood beside it. He decided to tease her in his usual way in hopes of achieving some level of comfort between them. He smiled, as he picked up her half-eaten blueberry muffin. "Every morning it's the same kind of muffin. Have you ever considered throwing caution to the wind and sampling a chocolate chip one?" 

Donna did not meet his eyes. She simply lifted her hand, took the muffin from him and put it back in its place. "Sam said he wanted to speak with you as soon as you came in. Don't forget about your 10 o'clock with O'Brien and your 11:30 with Yates." 

Josh's eyes widened at her, surprised at the coldness in her voice. He spoke softly. "Donna, please don't let what happened between us-..." 

Donna cut his sentence off, as she finally met his eyes. "Don't think that you can act like I am nothing more than your employee one moment and then joke with me like I am your friend the next. You made it clear how you feel I should be treated yesterday, don't expect me to treat you any differently...Sam's waiting." 

Josh was struck silent by her words. He hadn't expected her to react this way. He valued their friendship more than anything and now he feared he had managed to lose that, too. Not knowing what to say or do, Josh simply walked away from her. 

He entered Sam's office and sat down across from him. "What did you want to see me about?" 

Sam looked up from his paperwork and smiled at him. "So how did it go with Donna this weekend?" 

Josh rolled his eyes and responded harshly. "Is that all you think about? Isn't there something more important you have to do? This country's got more problems than I can count and all you can think about is me and Donna." 

Sam's eyes widened at him. "That bad, huh?" 

Josh ran a hand down his face, as he sunk back into the chair. "Worse. I really screwed up this time." 

"What happened?" Sam asked. 

Josh shook his head at him. "I think I've managed to lose the best thing in my life. I think I ruined my friendship with Donna." 

"How did you do that?" Sam asked with concern. 

Josh waved a dismissive hand at him, unwilling to relate the details. "It doesn't matter...I just have to find a way to make things right between us again." 

Josh was about to get up and leave, when Sam spoke again. "She got you to open up, didn't she? And now you're scared. Look, you've always been stubborn as hell and you almost never listen to me, but I've got to say this anyway. You're going to regret it every day for the rest of your life if you let her get away, Josh...Don't make that mistake." 

Josh didn't know what to say to Sam. He knew he was right, but couldn't admit it. Josh sighed at his friend, before getting up and leaving the room. 

-*-*-*-*-*- 

Hours later, Donna walked into Josh's office and placed a few phone messages on his desk. "Here are your messages. Senator Ford wants you to get back to him as soon as possible, says it's urgent." 

Donna turned on her heel to leave, but Josh's voice stopped her. "Wait...Please." 

Donna turned back around to face him. Josh got up from his chair and closed his door. Then he went to stand in front of her. He spoke softly to her. "I hate the way you look at me now, Donna...I hate the coldness in your every word. I'm sorry I hurt you, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do." 

Donna slowly lifted her eyes to meet his. "Then why did you push me away like that, Josh?" 

Josh ran a hand through his hair, as he thought of his next words. He wanted so badly to tell her of his feelings, but nothing, not even Sam's words, had helped him overcome his fears. The only thing he knew that he had to do was save their friendship. "Donna, you are one of the best friends that I have. You've always been there when I need you...You proved that this weekend more than ever before...And that's why I knew that kiss was a...a mistake. If we pursued a romantic relationship and it didn't work out, then our friendship might never be the same. I couldn't risk losing what we have, I couldn't risk losing you...That's why I reacted the way I did." 

Donna swallowed around the lump in her throat. He had confirmed what she had hoped wasn't true. He didn't have any romantic feelings for her, he thought of her as only a friend. She struggled to speak, all hope for a future with him lost. "Well, I guess that explains it then. You're right, we never should have kissed. We're friends and coworkers, that's all we'll ever be." Donna finished her sentence with a crack in her voice. She met his eyes one last time, before turning around and leaving. 

Josh sank into the nearest chair and leaned his head against its back. He knew that he had just made a big mistake. The eyes of the woman who had just looked up at him held more than a love born of friendship, they held the love he'd always been missing. 

-*-*-*-*-*-*- 

It was 2:30 in the morning when he knocked on her door and 2:33 by the time she finally answered it. 

A sleepy and surprised Donna opened the door up to reveal Josh. "Josh? What are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?" 

Josh shook his head, as he walked past her into the apartment. "Actually, I have no idea what time it is. I just started walking when I left my office at 9 o'clock and I ended up here." 

Donna closed the door and came closer to him. There was something different about him. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something had definitely changed. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?" 

Josh smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah, something happened. I realized what an idiot I've been." 

Donna's eyes widened at him and then she grinned. "Well, you didn't have to come all the way over here to tell me that...I've always known." 

Donna waited for him to smile at her joke, but he never did. Instead, his eyes remained serious as he closed the distance between them. "I'm not kidding, Donna. I've been so stupid. All of this time, you've been right in front of me and I was too scared to even notice." 

Donna swallowed slowly, as she felt her throat begin to close up. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? 

Donna began slowly, hoping that she wouldn't come crashing down to reality once again. "What are you trying to say, Josh?" 

Josh came even closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek, as he captured her eyes with his. He rubbed his thumb in circles, as he spoke in a voice just above a whisper. "I'm trying to say that I love you, Donna...That I've always been in love with you. I was just too afraid to admit it to myself." 

Donna's mouth hung open at him and she was at a loss for words. Her hopes and dreams had never allowed her to actually believe those words to be possible. 

Josh smiled at her as he continued. "Not what you expected me to say, huh? A lot of things changed for me this weekend because of you, Donna. I let go of the guilt that I've been carrying around for so long. You helped me do that. And as I spent more and more time with you, I realized that my feelings ran deeper than friendship...They always had, I had just denied them for so long. That kiss made me realize that I was in love with you, Donna, and that scared me to death. I didn't think that I could love you without hurting you...That's what my past did to me." 

Donna was still in shock, but managed to speak a few words. "What made you change your mind?" 

Josh smiled at her. "You did. Sam tried to get me to listen, but he just didn't have everything I needed. But when I looked into your eyes this afternoon, I saw love in them. I'd never seen a woman look at me with that in her eyes before...And that's when I knew that I couldn't lose you...That's when I realized that love is a risk worth taking. Pain comes with love, there's no denying that. But so does happiness and that's worth fighting for. I think that my sister and my parents were better for having been loved by me and I know that I am better for having been loved by them...I wanted that for you and me...I love you, Donna." 

Josh finished talking and smiled at her. He wiped at a tear on her cheek with his thumb and then added. "Well, look at that. I think I finally found a way to render you speechless." 

Donna laughed through her tears and then shook her head. She had finally found her words and spoke them softly. "I just can't believe that you're standing here saying these words to me. I never let myself believe it could happen. I've loved you for a long time, Joshua Lyman...Ever since the first time I saw you. I know that might sound unbelievable, but when I saw you I just knew. I knew you were the guy that would grate on my last nerve one moment and make my heart race the next. You were handsome, intelligent, funny and unattainable to me...I never thought you'd be able to see me as anything more than your friend...I'm just glad you finally did. I love you, too, Josh." Donna concluded with a crack in her voice. 

Josh smiled widely, as he let the words sink in. He had never felt more alive. His words emerged softly, as his lips neared hers. "It's amazing what you can see with your eyes wide open...You're so beautiful." 

With that, his lips descended upon hers in a soft kiss that stirred up the passion they had been denying for so long. Donna entwined her fingers into Josh's hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. 

When their lips finally parted, they leaned their foreheads together. Their eyes remained closed, as they absorbed every piece of the moment. Josh finally spoke in a whisper. "I promise I'll always let you be the thimble when we play Monoply." 

Donna laughed out loud and placed another light kiss on his lips. Then she responded with, "You better." 

The laughter soon subsided, as the newfound couple once again gave into their desires with another kiss. 

-*-*-*-*-*-*- 

The next day, Donna and Josh entered Sam's office, their lips wide with smiles. Sam looked up from his work and grinned at them. "Am I right to assume that those goofy grins mean you two have finally wised up and realized you're meant for each other?" 

Donna and Josh nodded, the ‘goofy grins’ only widening. Josh shook his head at his friend. "You were right, buddy. I guess there's a first time for everything." 

Sam rewarded him with an insincere chuckle. Donna spoke to Sam next. "How did you know? I hid my feelings for Josh so well and he didn't even know he had any for me." 

Sam shrugged. "Everyone knew. Men and women only bicker like you two do if they love each other...or if they're married." 

Josh and Donna laughed, while shaking their heads at him. Sam stood up and walked towards them. He waved a warning finger at them and tried his best to sound serious. "Now that you two are together, don't think that gives you the right to make ga-ga eyes at each other every three seconds and cause us all to lose our lunches every day...I will not stand for that, the President will not stand for that and Toby will most certainly not stand for that." 

Josh and Donna laughed at him. Josh smiled, while patting Sam on the back. "Thanks for the congratulations, Sam." 

Sam nodded with a half-hidden smile. "No problem." 

Donna and Josh left the office and smiled at each other. Josh spoke first. "You know, since we're a couple now that means you have to listen to my opinion and actually take it into consideration every once in a while." 

Donna shook her head, her lips spread into a grin. "No, I don't. Being a couple just means that I don't have to listen to you at all now and you'll still love me." 

Josh laughed and shook his head. "Oh boy am I in trouble." 

Donna laughed, while placing a quick kiss on his lips before anyone could notice. Then she whispered into his ear. "I'd say so." 

Josh's lips curled into a smile as he discreetly took her hand in his and silently thanked God for being given the chance to love this woman and to be loved by her. 

The past was behind him now and a new dawn was upon him. 

THE END 


End file.
